Lesbos break up.
It’s a thing.
And they have mutual friends.
YOU are one of those friends!
Don’t worry, I’m here to help you handle that.
Sometimes you have friends. Sometimes those friends are homogay and sometimes those friends decide to be homogay together.
And when they do we’re all like...
But, you know what else happens? Well, these gaybians will start to fight. These gaybians will start feeling discontented. And these gaybians have even been known to BREAK UP!
And then where are you left, you deeply concerned mutual friend?
WELL OF COURSE YOU DON’T KNOW! (don’t worry, i do)
I am going to help you. Why? Because I love you.
I've compiled a short list of Do’s and DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES OR I'LL KILL YOU!
DO NOT!
- Spread rumors. You are not on Gossip Girl, ok? Get with it.
- LIE! Please, please, please don’t lie. To either party. It really ruins everything for everyone.
- Pretend to know everything that went down in their relationship. You don’t. The End.
- If you have extreme distaste for anyone, do not express that distaste to either party. They probably aren’t ready for that.
- My favorite is stolen from Autostraddle.com ‘s Rules of Lesbian Fight Club. Which you can find here. It’s DON’T BE A BITCH! Just don’t, ok? That should be common sense, but alas, we live in a society in which class is usually a thing of the friggin’ past.
...and now the DO’s!
- Do be a good friend...to both of them! No choosing sides, this is not 4th grade.
- Have two shoulders, one for each of your beloved friends to cry on.
- Be a good listener.
- Be available to go out for a drink if they need it.
- Just plain be there, basically. If they need to talk, not talk, socialize, exercise, eat a gallon of ice cream and watch a Buffy Marathon. I don’t know, just be there. Except if your friend needs something like meth. I would advise against hard drugs. We're not on Skins.
- Make sure to divide your time between the two of them. Be careful not to accidentally forget one of them exists because you’ve been working on your novel and The L Word is taking over your life and you can’t stop watching Shane fuck Cherie Jaffe and I just can’t find the time sorry.
- Make sure your advice is actually helpful and not just empty threats.
- If either of your friends is really not coping well, encourage them to seek out professional help. Tell them that it’s nothing to be ashamed of because even celebrities do it and if they do it we should all do it and Krysta said so.
And that’s about it for the list! I’m so sad! I really do love lists. SIGH.
If you have any DO’s or DO NOT’s to add to the list lemme know ho!
Peace Out!
I Love You!
